


The Great Lambo Vs. Puberty! Or the Misadventures of Teen Lambo

by TylLambo (humanyubel)



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: (aka KHR), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming of Age, Crack Treated Seriously, Crushes, Gen, Growing Up Together, Headcanon, Humor, Insecurity, Male Homosexuality, Male-Female Friendship, Probably. who gives a fuck about timelines and universes when you, Puberty, Ten Years Later, have lambo involved, teen angst bullshit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 08:18:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9984911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanyubel/pseuds/TylLambo
Summary: The transition from child to less of a child is a difficult one for Lambo.





	1. Full Moon

**Author's Note:**

> This is for my friend Basil (not-so-varia-quality on tumblr!)  
> Short chapters and maybe slow to update, I just want the fandom to have some fun content!

It started when he was ten years old. He’d been steadily growing. Though he was still relatively short for someone of his age… Ten years old was when that changed. He felt everything burn daily, like he’d been hit by a few dozen grenades. He bruised easier and his legs cramped up. I-pin who had never been destined to be all that tall was a good foot taller than him. Though 142 cm wasn't much in all reality… it was still a sore spot for Lambo.

Why was he so small for his age? It seemed really unfair to him. I-pin didn't need to be taller than him… she just was and she enjoyed every minute of it. 

She was a jerk anyways. She always would be.

Girls were probably all evil. 

Bianchi had tried to poison his older self on a number of occasions. Kyoko was really kind. Haru played around with him like he was a doll at times. He wanted to stay with Nana- she was more of a Mom to him than Tsuna. Chrome… Chrome was Chrome. It was nearly an inhuman feat to dislike the older girl.

So maybe I-pin and Bianchi were the only girls he had much of a problem with…

Oh and that one friend of Kyoko’s! She was a real jerk! It was her fault she hated kids!

Who hated kids? He for one thing was a delight as a child! He was well behaved and the cutest of his age group.

Eventually though, the pain started just shortly after his birthday. The sharp ache started in his calves, hurting more than any voltage of lightning could. It was quickly followed by his thighs feeling like they were caught in one of those fancy taffy machines. That hurt more than his calves. 

Leg pains? Bearable with only a few dozen tears shed. The abdominal pains though unfortunately felt life threatening. It hurt if he breathed wrong or stood a certain way. Certain foods upset his stomach more than others. Grapes and candies were ruled out of his diet. He had to eat broccoli and vegetables with no candy. 

Surely this was time travel working to kick his ass for using the Ten Year Bazooka so many times. 

But he'd had perfectly good reasons for using it…

The headaches were head splitting and by the second headache (nearly a migraine) he was ready for the sweet embrace of death. Crying only hurt his head more, but it wasn't as if he had a tap to turn it off at will. 

That'd be too conviennent and all around useful. 

He was too busy crying over the seemingly random full body pain to notice any changes with himself. 

That is until six months after his own birthday. He stood slightly above eye level with I-pin. It took the briefest five seconds of his life to connect the dots. 

It was so obvious! How hadn't he noticed before? 

He let out a giddy bark of laughter and pointed a shaking finger at her, green eyes leaking tears of mirth. 

“I didn't know Reborn made a Shrinking Bullet! Gyahaha!”

After five years of being I-pin’s friend you would have thought he'd have expected having his face pounded into the floor.

I-pin’s new glasses slid down her nose dangerously. The pink frames were thin, a joint gift from the girls. Being able to look at her when she wasn't squinting was jarring. She was probably unstoppable as an assassin no one but him could defeat by now. 

That is if he could stop crying.

“You hit me! But it's true right? How else do you explain you being shorter than me?” He held his cheek, tears streaming down his tender face.

She looked speechless for a moment. Then a look of pity flashed across her face. Disappointment quickly replaced that. 

I-pin released a long suffering sigh, her face still red from her quick bout of anger.

“You grew quite a bit.”

“What?” Lambo choked on his own spit, incredulous.

I-pin’s frustration quickly mounted once more. 

“I. Said. You. Grew.” 

“Huh? Really? Really?” Tsuna who had previously only been a silent onlooker interjected.

“You grew a lot in six months!” Lambo grinned at the older boy, his cheeks hurt from the force of it.

“But what if it's his growth spurt. Maybe he's hitting puberty really early and this is as tall as he’ll get? The dumb calf is gonna have to crane his neck forever!” Gokudera laughed through a cloud of cigarette smoke.

Lambo’s face flushed hotter than ten suns.

“Eat shit and die, loser!” He pulled out a grenade and hid it behind his back. 

If he actually tried to plan things out then maybe he'd stand more of a chance. But who needed well thought out plans when you were going to rule the world in the future?

He was just that good.

“You're the loser, you brat!” Gokudera naturally sent back his own choice of childish words.

“Nuuuu uhhh!” His eyes darted around for fuel for the fire he had ignited. 

It was all Gokudera’s fault anyways. 

His gaze locked in on the first handful of undone buttons on Gokudera’s shirt. They stood out like little black irises. 

Gokudera’s chest was nearly as firm as Yamamoto’s or Hibari’s. It was 95% muscle after all. Not that that had much to do with his plan.

It was what was underneath his chest that mattered. He pulled out a second grenade and hid it behind his back as well. 

“At least I don't have an innie!”

Gokudera gaped like a fish on water. Lambo paid Tsuna holding his head in his hands in the background no mind.

“Mine’s completely normal! You probably have one that goes in!” Lambo laughed as Gokudera’s face went redder. He let Lambo get to him too easily. Maybe it was his cherubic voice that got Gokudera ready to knock his teeth in. Angels’ voices could destroy stuff. That was probably it. 

Lambo lifted up the nice shirt Nana had bought him. It had a cartoon dairy cow on the front and the words “got milk?” in the back. He poked his navel. It was what someone would probably call a mix of both.

Gokudera looked disgusted. 

“If you came out looking like that then I’d hate to see your Mother.” Gokudera covered his mouth looking a little green in the face.

“Hey now!” Lambo hid a few more grenades behind his back and glared up at the older boy. He was nearly finished with his cigarette, nearly burned all the way down to the filter. 

“It’s settled now though!” 

“What is?” Gokudera’s eyebrows pinched together. Lambo laughed again, a new found twinkle to his eyes.

“You're gonna have an innie!” Lambo rushed forward and shoved all the grenades he could manage in his window of two seconds. A few caught on Gokudera’s chest. Before the weight of them forced the grenades down to where his shirt was tucked in. Gokudera leaped backwards and slid on the tiniest bit of cake frosting.

Gokudera quickly grabbed the bottom of his shirt and yanked up to dislodge the grenades.

Lambo laughed so hard tears started streaming down his face. When Gokudera realized the grenades were all fully intact and duds his face turned the deepest red Lambo could have imagined. 

Lambo faced away from Gokudera quickly to pull down his pants enough to show his butt. He heard I-Pin shout at him. 

He gave it a slap and blew a raspberry to the fallen Vongola. 

He could hear Gokudera grinding his teeth like he wanted death- or was planning his revenge. 

He went to pull up his pants and run away. Unfortunately that seemed to be a bad decision. He slipped on icing on the floor and went down. 

His face smacked off of the ground, taking Lambo one moment of shock to catch up with what happened. In the next moment he was crying and holding his split lip. 

He heard Gokudera mutter a dark “serves you right, you idiot cow!” behind him. 

Needless to say I-Pin had a very...eventful tenth birthday party.


	2. Oh My Buscemi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lambo tries to not question I-pin for his own safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally posted on Tumblr. I've been debating if I wanted to do a linear fic but it's more like out of order one shots that are connected~!
> 
> Happy birthday fuckin' shit head. I'll be posting another one of these later.
> 
> (http://not-so-varia-quality.tumblr.com/post/158049501453/sentence-prompts written for this prompt)

“I-Pin why is there a picture of Steve Buscemi in your bathroom?” Lambo sat on I-Pin’s toilet while his friend brushed her teeth and prepared for bed. Her hair was just starting to grow back from her short bob cut. It’d probably take another year or two for it to reach the length she strived for.

It only fell to her shoulder blades, but it looked really smooth and pretty. Sort of like wavy silk. Lambo fingered his own hair.

It was still as untamable as ever. It took forever to detangle it in the shower. His hair was too much to manage on his own. He went through a bottle of detangler spray every time he made his weekly endeavor.

He looked at I-Pin’s hair and found himself jealous. I-Pin had straight hair that tumbled halfway down her back in placid waves. Her hair wasn’t nearly as thick as his own but it looked so nice…

Maybe if he got a perm his hair could look that nice?

He hoped I-Pin would hurry up and finish so he could brush his teeth and wash his face. He had the worst blackheads on his chin right now. Just thinking of them made him tear up.

I-Pin carefully pulled her hair back into a ponytail and pushed her bangs out of her forehead. She splashed warm water on her face and gently scrubbed the acne cleanser they’d been trying out together.

She didn’t even need it! Her face was always blemish free and baby soft.

Lambo wished his skin could work like that. What’s the use in being able to conduct electricity if you can’t even have decent skin quality?

I-Pin finished up with a splash of cold water and a hum.

Lambo quickly set into scrubbing his teeth and tongue as thoroughly as possible. Washing his face was a little more difficult. He had a curtain of hair all around him at all times. A very fluffy and all encompassing curtain.

At least he could store things in there. Admittedly not much but plenty enough for him. He just wished his hair was more manageable

“So why do you have a picture of Steve Buscemi in your bathroom, I-Pin?”

“He looks like my master Fon.” I-Pin said dreamily. Lambo had to do a double take.

“Steve Buscemi looks nothing like Fon, I-Pin. Did something mess up your vision?”

“Actually, I lost my glasses awhile ago. It’s always so nice to see someone that looks like master to greet me in the mornings. No offense Lambo but I’ve seen your face so many times in the morning I could probably draw it blindfolded. But master Fon isn’t here every morning!”

“What about your contacts?” Lambo didn’t take any offense. It was nice enough that I-Pin still let him sleep with her. That is to say…she’s blessed every morning with his angelic face.

“I ran out of my prescription so I’ve been saving up to buy more.” she didn’t seem to notice the look of incredulity that spread across her best friend’s face.

I-Pin layed out the cot they always shared during sleepovers and eagerly rolled in. She snuggled into her pillow with a contented sigh. Today must’ve been hard with her squinting nonstop. He felt like an idiot for not realizing she’d been missing her glasses for awhile now. Maybe he could buy her a new pair? Or contacts? They’d be less in the way but could I-Pin touch her eye without it hurting? Didn't it take awhile to get used to contacts again?

He’d ask her tomorrow.

He crawls in, hesitating for a moment. He was too tall for the cot so he had to cramp himself into a tiny-okay admittedly large- Lambo shaped ball.

I-Pin began snoring just after her head hit the pillow. The faintest smile tilted her lips upwards. She always looked so peaceful when she slept. Lambo found himself jealous of her again.

He drooled and spoke nonsense in a tongue that felt like it wasn’t his own. He’d said some embarrassing things while sleeping with I-Pin. The few times Tsuna indulged him in a nightly cuddle hadn’t shed light on the things he would say. Tsuna was as tight lipped as I-Pin.

He’d only slept curled under Fuuta’s chin a few times, he used to do it more…but it was embarrassing. He was taller than Fuuta now. Fuuta didn’t really sleep much anyways. Sleeping in someone else’s bed with out them was hardly comforting.

I-Pin with her long, flowing hair like waves on a dark night. I-Pin with her smooth and flawless skin. I-Pin who didn’t worry about growing pains and bloomed through puberty with grace… he should _like_ her, not be _jealous_ of her.

They’d been friends since they were little and even if they fought they were still there for eachother.

Weren’t they supposed to slowly fall in love and hold hands and blush when people assumed they were dating? Weren’t they supposed to marry each other and have a mafia wedding?

I-Pin slept peacefully, hands tucked under her face. Her cheek smushed cutely. Lambo leaned forward, lip quivering. It’d be so easy to just kiss her. He found himself only millimeters away, breaths coming out in fast puffs. It felt so wrong to get close to her like this.

His eyes slipped nearly all the way closed before he remembered the hug she had given him earlier today. She hugged him like a friend, arms warm and comforting.

I-Pin yawned in her sleep and that’s what sealed the deal for him. He gripped his hair and laid on his back staring at the ceiling.

He couldn’t just be so invasive. I-Pin was his best friend and to kiss her without permission wouldn’t be right. His stomach clenched painfully. She’d kick his ass anyways if he had done it.  

Besides she wasn’t even remotely his type.

I-Pin was beautiful, really, she was. She had a certain shine to her eyes that couldn’t be rivaled. He frequently held her hand and shared her bed even when the other Vongola members looked at him strangely. Like they were making assumptions about the relationship he and the girl with a fist like a wrecking ball had.

He tried to imagine what kissing I-Pin would be like, made a vague kiss seal with his lips against the quiet darkness of midnight. He cringed and supposed that it’d be like kissing his sister. He found himself gagging and letting out a muffled cough, tears springing to the corner of his eyes.

He glanced to the side to see I-Pin still peacefully asleep. Lambo breathed a sigh of relief, disturbing an asleep I-Pin spelled out certain death.

Maybe he was too young to have a type, he’d never actually thought about what he liked and didn’t like in a person. He closed his eyes and tried to imagine it, eyebrows drawing together. Nothing. He couldn’t think of anything. He knew most guys his age wanted an older girl with curves, no fat, and no personality. He wanted to fall in love like they did in dramas he watched with Fuuta and I-Pin occasionally.

Maybe if he compared her looks with the mystery somebody special? Her face was too…feminine. Her hands were small and fingers slender in spite of all the training she had done. He’d seen and felt the calluses on her fingers.

Maybe it was her hair? He imagined I-Pin with shorter hair, a face just a little bit more square, eyes like sweet honey-

He rolled over quickly and covered his head with his cow print pillow. If he squeezed his eyes shut tightly enough it’d be fine. He wouldn’t have to think.

“I-Pin you really need glasses or contacts or something. Steve Buscemi looks nothing like your master Fon.” He cried himself to sleep and when he awoke his eyes were crusted over and he couldn’t breathe.

He’d forgotten to put up the pillow between the two of them and I-Pin had pressed herself to his back. Her leg was slotted in between his, pinning his legs to the floor. Her face was pressed into the back of his head, forehead against his hair and morning breath ghosting along the nape of his neck.

She held him in a Full Nelson and from the position they were in, it was a little hard for Lambo to breathe.

“I-Piiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn” he whined trying to squirm away from her. She held steady, not budging in the slightest. Her chest rose and fell against his back steadily as she remained in her deep sleep.

Next time he wasn’t going to let some midlife crisis (you never know when you’re in the Mafia) prevent him from setting up the right precautionary measures to ensure he wouldn’t get spooned by I-Pin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lambo and I-pin are about 13.


End file.
